On our podcast ‘Tales That Tethr’, tethr Founder & CEO Matt Zerker interviews entrepreneurs, experts, thought leaders, and regular people about what is means to be a man, the challenges that modern men face, and how to overcome challenges and live life in a more connected and authentic way.
Do you want a greater sense of love and belonging in your life?
When Shame shows up, try these master tips from coach Jason Henderson:
1. The greatest hurdle to deep love and belonging, and greatest separation we experience from others, is through the feeling of Shame.
Shame is a very common human emotion that we all experience. It is the belief/feeling that you are in some way flawed because of who you are, or because of something you did. It debilitates and separates you from the tribe; from a sense of belonging and the very connection that you desire.
2. For many men, feelings of shame stem from the perception that they must never be witnessed as being weak.
3. Shame vs Guilt - What's the difference?
"I am bad" vs "I did something wrong".
"I am a mistake" vs "I made a mistake".
4. Shame and Authenticity
Shaming our emotions, thoughts and beliefs in the name of cultivating belonging, exacerbates further internal toxic shame and can lead to greater feelings of anxiety, depression and fear. The repression of our authentic selves, and harbouring deep shame, requires an immense amount of energy. This energy drain and shame, corrodes your sense of self esteem and self worth.
5. So what do you do about shame?
- Speak it: It takes a lot of courage, but shame cannot survive being shared and spoken, and met with empathy, compassion and understanding. Attempt to share it with a trusted individual in your life before it turns into a debilitating shame spiral of self loathing and self criticism.
- Radical Honesty: Who you are, and what you believe has a place in this world. Repression of our thoughts, beliefs and feelings out of shame, is extremely draining and can lead to higher levels of anxiety (I am going to be caught out), depression (I am the only one), and fear (If they knew, I would be abandoned). Being radically honest with the people you love, allows them to fully and wholly choose you back for who you are.
- Compassion: When we make mistakes, we need to practice self compassion and can do so through affirmations. "I am doing the best I can". "I am a human, learning". "Mistakes are how I grow and learn". "I am worthy of love and belonging, because of who I am".
- Take action: Once the shame has been spoken, seen, and met with empathy and compassion, we know that our sense of belonging is restored, and we can take action to address the feelings of guilt that perhaps persist through taking conscious action to support ourselves.
THE BOULDER MAN was born on the side of a mountain, during a climb, while we were supporting each other through challenging terrain. This sparked the idea that men are confronted with many life challenges, some requiring full life transitions, such as separation, divorce, and other boulders that can leave them stuck, alone, and unable to move forward.
We draw on our own life experiences, and growth, to offer the value of support, process pain, foster growth, and equip men with the tools, skills, and resources they need to appreciate the climb, and confidently unleash their personal potential on the world.
Much like the challenges of scaling boulders and climbing mountains, a journey of self-awareness, healing and growth can be scaled easier with guidance and support.